I also thought: I guess that’s how you win at anything in life — you aim beyond your goal
Wow look at these sharks in Las Vegas!
The March 2022 show I went to had Vinny from “Jersey Shore” in it, and he flashed his naked butt a lot. It’s a good butt.
It seemed as if he knew he had an emotional need to feel more goodness and purpose and fellowship from the world around him.
I want to feel normal.
I want everyone to feel normal.
Relationship Jenga: Into the darkness or is it the light
Never underestimate the healing power of sugar smiles
I talked to Norm Macdonald a lot and he was my favorite SNL cast member and these are my favorite memories of him.
what I miss about the south includes blue jean shorts and tank tops and bare feet and the beaches of Florida and tiki huts on those beaches where you drink beer from pitchers and eat fried foods out of cardboard boats
I woke up at four in the morning with a slightly racing heart and I devised a new strategy …
I have no idea what they’re up to, do you?
Twitter: America’s 24/7 prison riot. TikTok: Lipsync someone else’s joke to the same song they used when they stole the joke from someone else
Join me in bed before midnight in Las Vegas to listen to the ambient sounds of rain on my rooftop.
Ten days ago, I went to the dermatologist for a routine examination and ended up with a hole in my foot and a 10-day wait to find out if a mole would kill me.
Netflix’s Too Hot to Handle is a creepy show that won’t let people just be their true sexual selves and this is super annoying.
Dr. Love Doug gives possible terrible advice no one should follow.
Sex work is what I wanted to do but I became a journalist and I still wonder if I chose the wrong path. (A confessional).
Today’s video has a naked butt in it and that butt is mine and I slap it and I give the world an idea for a stripper restaurant.
Is it time to change your life? Let’s start with a simple question: What is the one thing you think about all day, and is it good for you or bad for you?
They’re a Japanese group that formed in high school a decade ago, and their reported influences run in my taste circle: Justice, Chvrches, Basement Jaxx, Chemical Brothers, and Gorillaz.
Normally if somebody gives you a book that’s called I Need A New Butt, you would be like, is this … More
I’m just trying to have some nachos at happy hour, you know, just take your political bigotry somewhere else.
I don’t know how I missed this incredible song from 2017 but maybe I was just surviving America and now I know this delicious song finally
I got high and went down the rabbit hole of listing my favorite spies of all time in TV shows and movies … and James Bond is not even close to making the top 10.
You know what, a lot of people have asked me what kind of food reviewer I would be and the … More
“I love people I don’t like” …
Just before the end of masks in Las Vegas, I went downtown when it was still chilly, which is hard … More
This is Toonces the robot kitty cat. He was gifted to me by my friend Emily (sister-by-choice) and her kids. … More
You can’t tell right now but I woke up with these super crazy allergy things under my eyeballs, and I’m … More
If I look like I’m hungover today, it’s because I am. I do not feel like my best. I’m dragging … More
I woke up this morning and I thought about all the different ways I don’t feel good enough for people. … More
I want you to tell me what you want …
I shouldn’t have done that thing that time but I forgive myself and everyone for everything.I shouldn’t have said that … More
Hello, I love you, won’t you tell me your name? … My new fun goal is to vlog and not … More
I had a panic attack and filmed it so you can see me as a crazed blabbermouth. Thank you I … More
I would like to get out of the house please.I have been inside my house for a long time.Have you … More
I am in bed at home, just like you, probably. I am bored out of my mind. I’ve seen all … More
The main reason I’m still on Facebook is because, over the years, I have made a lot of friends and … More
This guy goes to the doctor and says:“Doctor, doctor! There’s something wrong with my dick! It’s orange!”The doctor looks at … More
QUIZ QUIZ QUIZ QUIZ QUIZ I had an exciting thought: “Who are my people?”Take this Cosmo-y quiz to see how … More
A mother told me, if someone murdered her child, she would want to set fire to the world.And yet, it’s … More
In college, I was planning to be a writer. And I was planning to be a photographer. Unfortunately, my first … More
I wantThe wisdom of now The energy from beforeThe carefree of that one dayThe calm breath of a moonlight swimThe … More
I’m going to obsess over my face for a minute, (so please forgive me if you’re a jealous ninny who … More
I don’t know if you’ve heard but … I’m a big boy.
Here are two funny reactions I’ve heard after publishing my first short film.“Are you planning on making a whole movie?”“Are … More
I’m allergic to nostalgia. So I won’t blather on about how I miss my doggy, Serena, and I won’t self-indulge … More
My mom sang this song to me when I felt down. Somehow, it helped. I don’t know if it would help you to hear it. But it helps me to sing it.
I was going to write a charming and quirky think piece about how everyone is jacking off every minute of the day, because we are living during the world’s first masturbation revolution, and during a quarantine no less, but then I realized this graphic tells the whole story which you and me and your friends and your family and your coworkers and your boss and Jeff Bezos already know. Which is the world is going thwackety-thwack-thack to cum the pain away, to paraphrase The Teaches of Peaches. Which. You know. There are worse ways to live your life than focusing on orgasms. Well. Maybe there aren’t any other better ways to live your life.
And thus climaxes this most obvious public service announcement.
I think we are all painfully aware now that we are stuck in the mortifying hellscape known as international house … More
So I was at the store, looking at the craziest cake frostings in the world. They were shiny pink and … More
Remember how Prince called himself The Artist?A lot of us here on Earth are artists. He was just bold enough … More