Hey, what’s up y’all? I asked you for questions for my “Ask Me Anything” and these are the questions you wanted me to answer.
1. How did I become the “Pandemic Playboy?”
I became the Pandemic Playboy because during quarantine, there were all these women and men, both, who were so alone and lonely.
And they just started sending me long, drunken messages.
I just kept getting all these messages and messages and messages.
And people wanted pictures and I was like:
“Well, I’ll give you some pictures.”
So I started making pictures and then sending them to people who were alone and lonely.
The next thing I know, I’m the Pandemic Playboy.
2. Why are you so adorable?
How do you mean? Like this? Mrow!
Yes, we live in the future.
4. What’s my favorite swearword?
Fuck. Here’s why.
I have always said:
If you can do it, or if you Do It, then you can say it.
So if you fuck, you should be able to say fuck.
5. Have you ever been tempted to join a new age cult?
I have never been tempted to join any cult.
However, my friend Jessica has told me:
It’s a really good thing that you’re benevolent and not malevolent, because you would be a really good cult leader.
And I’m like, hmm.
So for a while (just in a silly mood), I thought I would look up and I see if I can buy the URL for Church of Doug.
But it’s gone and I was like:
“Well, Church of Doug is gone so I’m not going to start any cults this year.
6. What is the dating scene like these days?
I went on the dating apps, and within 24 hours, 500 people were trying to date me.
That’s very flattering.
In the beginning of 2023, in the first two months, I went on dates with 18 people.
And so what I found is that the dating scene is like it always was.
You go on a date, and you get to meet them. You get to know who they are, then you decide … whatever.
For me, what I’m saying is, it’s a bell curve.
There are some great people, and then a lot of people who you’re cool with, and then there are some assholes.
I’ve gone on dates with two assholes out of 18. That’s a pretty high percentage of good people.
I would say the people in the middle of the bell curve are mostly just people who, we weren’t compatible, or there wasn’t chemistry.
It wasn’t that they were awful, it wasn’t that I was awful.
So anyway, as of now, I am in the dating scene. I don’t want to get any more specific than that.
7. If I could do anything again differently, what would it be?
This is an easy answer. I have answered this once before in a different video at length but I’ll sum it up shortly.
When I was a kid, I was a teenage stripper.
I know that sounds amazing to a lot of you when you just go like:
Doug is just some kind of square. You know, I look like the Gorton’s Fisherman or Ernest Hemingway at this point.
But the thing is that when I was a teenager, I was stripping for money, and I was getting offered a lot of money for sex and stuff with people who I wanted to have sex with anyway.
Then I had a literature teacher pull me aside one day and she said I wrote too great not to be a professional writer. She goes:
“You should get a job in journalism.
I said, “Why?”
And she said:
“Because you get money that way.”
I was like: “OK.”
So I thought:
Sex work or journalism? Sex work or journalism?
And I just chose journalism.
But I gave up sex work.
The question was:
If I could do anything over again?
Yes. I would have been a sex worker. There’s not even a remote chance I would choose journalism over sex work again.
Absolutely, I would have done sex work.
8. When guys have a bad day or a bad week or a bad month or a bad year or a bad decade … do people tell you to smile? Or does that only happen to women? Asking for all the grievers out there.
I guess a woman’s upset for the fact that men are always like:
“Hey, you should smile more.”
But with women, they never tell me to smile more.
The opposite is true.
I have been told by a lot of women in my life to smile less so that I can look more intimidating or sexier, or something.
I am not kidding you 1%, and I’m not getting on women’s cases at all. I’m just talking about my experience. I’m not saying women are generally like this.
I have to tell you there have been quite a few women who did not like my happy countenance, and they wanted a mean gruff man, which is my opposite.
I’m a sweetheart. I’m a lover. Look at me, I’m so friendly.
So anyway, a lot of women have told me to stop smiling, because there are a lot of women who don’t want to see me having a good time, I guess.
9. Top 5 favorite movies of all-time?
Number one, number one, number one … Groundhog Day!
I love Groundhog Day. Whenever I want to make myself think I can be a better person, I watch Groundhog Day, because he has to become a better person, and that is the point of the movie.
I love it. It’s hilarious.
But man, that thing makes me cry.
Number Two: Babe The Gallant Pig.
I saw it in the theater. At the end of the movie, I stood up, I looked at everybody who was applauding — applauding! — and I said:
“Was that not the best damn pig movie you ever saw?”
And everybody was like: “Yeah!”
Babe, sometimes it’s my favorite film of all time. It depends.
But Babe makes me have hope in humanity and existence, and that’s why I love it.
I mean it’s a great film, and it’s funny, and all this heartwarming stuff.
But it is the deepest, deepest film I think that’s ever been made, because it gives you hope in humanity. What movie does that?
Grosse Pointe Blank, Number Three.
It’s so good. I love John Cusack. I love Minnie Driver.
And sometimes I’ll put on the captions and I watch it with the captions on, so I can read the script, because the script is so good.
The whole movie is in England, and she’s just happy-go-lucky, nothing gets her down, even when a couple of really heavy serious things happen to her, she still just, she deals with it.
And then she just pops back up like a daisy!
Ah, I love her! I love her! And that’s who I want to be!
Next: Amorous is another English film. And it’s about these four city people in London and they give up their phones and give up TV and everything.
They go out and they live in this little country farmhouse, and they just have sex.
It’s not a porn film though.
It’s an actual good film.
There’s not a ton of dialogue in it, but there’s just enough. It’s a short movie.
It’s just about people who don’t want to be a part of society anymore.
They’re just like, “Can’t anymore.”
Escape: It’s about escaping your life.
That’s what it’s about.
If you ever want to escape any part of your life, watch that movie and think about escaping some part of your life.
Next movie: My Best Friend’s Wedding.
It’s Julia Roberts in her finest performance, to me.
My favorite thing about it is all summed up near the end where Julia Roberts is in a car and she’s chasing the guy she loves, and he’s chasing a different girl he loves … and no one’s chasing Julia Roberts.
She calls her friend on her cell phone and her friend says:
“Who’s chasing you?!”
That’s the point of the movie. You have to be a good enough person to get someone to chase you. That’s the whole thesis for My Best Friend’s Wedding.
To me, it’s:
You have to be a better you, so you can have someone chase you … so you’re not chasing someone who’s chasing someone else.
10. Do you hang right or left?
Have you not read me? If you read me, you know I hang left.
11. What is the one and only food or dish you’re OK eating for the rest of your life?
That would be cheese dip with chips, and I hate saying that, because I am like 95 percent vegan … except for cheese dip and a little bit of cheese.
And if somebody makes me like cookies or cake or something and it has milk or butter in it, I’ll eat it.
It’s just … cheese dip is my birthday meal I enjoy. Anybody who doesn’t know that it’s my birthday meal, doesn’t know me at all.
12. What is your fitness routine?
Very good question. So normally, six days a week or sometimes seven, I will do weights, but I don’t lift metal weights anymore.
I use these rubber weight band things and they pull the same amount of pounds.
The nice thing about weight bands is that you’re not going to hurt yourself with them. People think they’re going to snap. I’ve had two snap, but it doesn’t hurt. They snap to your hand. I mean, if you’re pulling them so that they’d snap across your eyeballs, then that would be stupid.
But I don’t do any exercises where weight bands are going to snap across my eyeballs.
The next thing I do is I get on the treadmill and I try to run 4 miles or 4.5 miles every day, but realistically I hit 3.2 if I’m lucky.
Or I go on a walk around the neighborhood, or I’ll jog.
My dermatologist was like:
“You’ve got to stop running outside, because someday that’s going to catch up to you.”
Even though, he was also like:
“You’ll never get skin cancer, because you just don’t have the skin for skin cancer. But still, you don’t want to have to freeze sun damage marks off your face someday.”
So instead of putting on lotion, which I hate, I’ll wear this big hat. It’s a hat that people wear when they do gardening.
I’ll be running in it, and people are like “Look at that guy.”
Honestly, people look at me and they smile, the drivers, because they can’t believe how big my hat is, but you know what?
I love the sun, but my big hat stops the sun from destroying my face.
Oh, and then sometimes I do yoga. I’ve been doing yoga for 20-something years.
Sometimes I do pull-ups, but I haven’t done those in probably four months, so that’s not fair to say that.
13. Favorite video game of all time?
This is going to be two answers. It’s not a tie, there’s just two different kinds of games. There is a game that you play solo, and then there’s a game that you play online.
Those are the two kinds of games. I mean, you can say there’s action-adventures and all those types of genres.
But whatever. There are two kinds of games. There’s a solo game offline. And an online game where you’re running around with other real people.
My Number One All-Time Solo Game is the God of War series.
It is so spectacular. It looks incredible. There are these scenes where you see the character suddenly shrink down to little, but then you see in the background like these big vistas with waterfalls and stuff … man it’s a beautiful game, that’s the most artistic game series I think of all time.
And then on top of that, it’s got all the best game mechanics, like slapping down these chains.
I mean, even the running is fun.
I’ve kind of burned out on the God of War series, because there been enough of them, and I’ve re-played a bunch of God of Wars over time.
My favorite game of all time to play online is Call of Duty.
There are other games that you’re probably like, “Oh, there are better online games.”
OK, that’s great. I totally get it, you’re probably right. But the thing about Call of Duty is, if I think about my past, the amount of time I have been on Call of Duty is way longer than any other game.
There were a couple of good Battlefield games for a while, and some other online multiplayers that I have really, really, really enjoyed, because I enjoy most games.
Most games are good at this point.
But Call of Duty is iconic to me. There’s just a familiarity, but I haven’t played it in a while, to be honest.
That’s the end of my questions.
I love you very much. I hope you are having a super great day, mwah.