You know what’s super fucked is when you fall out of love with someone.
I think we don’t talk about this enough in society.
Falling out of love is one of the most horrendous things that can ever happen to any human being, and it happens to everyone.
I mean …
You’re in love with someone, and you have all this hope, you’re just overcome with this saturation of love and warmth …
And then at some point, you fall out of love with them, or they fall out of love with you. And then you’re like:
OK, I WAS in love with this person, so can I STILL be in love with this person?
And the other person is like:
Hey, why aren’t you treating me nicely anymore?
And you don’t say, like:
Hey, you know what? I’m kind of falling out of love with you, and I’m just gonna hang in there for a while and see if it comes back.
Because if you said that to this person, then this person would be like:
Oh my God! This is the saddest thing that’s ever happened to me. Why are you doing this to me?
And so what happens instead is, this other person goes:
Hey, what’s wrong honey?
And then the person falling out of love goes:
Uh nothing.
And then the other person goes:
Do you want me to make you some Mediterranean salad? I’m making some. Do you want some?
And then you’re like:
Yes, I would love some, honey. Oh thank you. That’s very kind of you.
And then you go do stuff together, you go to the stores, and …
The thing is, this other person is ALSO FALLING OUT OF LOVE WITH YOU, but they may not know, or they don’t have the fortitude to tell the person either, because that’s the hardest thing to tell someone.
It’s hard to tell someone that you love them, I guess, even though I don’t have that problem. If I love someone, I say:
Hey, I love you and I’m in love with you.
But I’ve never told someone that I was falling out of love, or I had already fallen out of love with them.
One of you falls out of love first, and for me, sometimes it has been me who has fallen out of love, and sometimes it’s been the other person.
And it’s the saddest fucking thing in the whole world.
You’re like:
OK, we’re going to the stores together, and we’re going to do stuff together and …
I don’t want to get too specific, because I’ve done all kinds of stuff with all kinds of people.
But you’re having sex with each other. You’re mutually masturbating with each other. Whatever your thing is. You’re having sex on the car together.
And yet, someone’s falling out of love first, and the other person can sense it, and they don’t know what’s wrong, and they talk to their friends, and they go:
Oh, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it’s not the same.
This other person tells their therapist they’re falling out of love, and the therapist is like, when are you going to break up with them? And you’re like:
I don’t know. I’m not sure. I’m going to see if the love comes back.
Meanwhile, this other person’s sensing something, and they’re meeting other people and they’re going:
Why are all these other people being so nice to me but this person I love is not as nice to me as strangers and friends and other people who want to have sex with me?
Now, while you’re listening to me talk about this, you’re probably thinking I’m talking about my last relationship, or some other relationship.
Stop thinking like that. I’ve had relationships with 800,000 people. I have had sex with 49 billion people, more people than are on the planet. I’m talking about no one specifically.
I have had so many relationships where I’ve been in love with someone. I’ve been in at least 100 relationships where I loved someone. And I’ve had major ones like when I was married, of course, and I loved her longer and deeper than, you know, a lot of other people or whatever.
Don’t get caught up trying to detective who I’m talking about or any of that shit?
That’s not the point.
The point is, we all should talk about how we fall out of love with people.
I know that there are obviously married couples that might start out one way, like really romantic, and really sexual. And then, you know, eight years later, they’re like brother and sister or best friends.
I never understand that dynamic without romance and sex and all that stuff.
If I’m not French kissing somebody throughout a week and having sex with them every day, then I start to lose interest.
Have you ever fallen out of love with someone?
I bet you have, because you’re a human being, and that’s how life is.
The long-story-short is:
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what bums me out the most about life on a regular basis, and I will tell you what it is. It is when a person has fallen out of love with me, but they don’t tell me, and if they did, it would crush me too.
I don’t want someone to necessarily say, “I’m not in love with you anymore.”
But maybe I do?
This is my therapeutic question for you:
If a person falls out of love with another person, whether it’s you or me or anybody, should the person who falls out of love tell the other person that they are falling out of love with them, or have fallen out of love with them already?
A corollary question is:
Let’s say somebody in a relationship cheats. (I don’t cheat.) But should a cheating person tell the other person that they’ve cheated?
I’ve always thought, no just break up with them.
Or if your friends know that a person is cheating on you, do you want your friends to tell you?
Weirdly, I think the answer is yes.
So those are my questions for the day.
I think a therapist would probably say, you know, maybe go get some couples counseling, and then you can talk it out.
I feel like when someone falls out of love with you, or when someone cheats, it’s just crushing, or it’s crushing to me.
I think I need to get over that haha.
I have to tell you, I was feeling pretty torn up thinking about all this today, like, 15 minutes before I started talking about it just now.
But now that I’ve talked about it, I feel better.
The more I talk, the better I feel.
I love you very much, and I’m in love with you and I have not fallen out of love with you, and I hope you’re having the best day ever.
dougable 