Twitter: America’s 24/7 prison riot
Instagram: Where I look pretty
XVideos: The greatest thing that ever happens
Snapchat: Photo filters for photos no one ever sees
TikTok: Lipsync someone else’s joke to the same song they used when they stole the joke from someone else
YouTube: Incredible or boring videos made by nice people who seem just a little bit nervous
Facebook: Like a beautiful daily yearbook of our lives (if you block Trumpers) or a cesspool of scum and villainy (if you don’t)
Pinterest: Purses and dresses
Reddit: Like a weird dog’s dick
Whatsapp: For people with lovers in Germany
(User experience differs per person)